


This Is Us

by hanyou_elf



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rape Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-04
Updated: 2012-01-04
Packaged: 2017-10-28 21:56:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/312586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanyou_elf/pseuds/hanyou_elf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If he could choose, he could only hope heaven was this sweet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Is Us

_There’s no need to rush when I know that I can be the one, give you all the love, forget what he has done to you, I’m here now. Open up to me, love will set you free. If ever you believe it, please believe in me. Backstreet Boys’ 'This is Us.’_

Spencer Reid arched his back happily as he stretched on the bed. He was exhausted, and his incredibly handsome lover was laying in bed beside him, clothed from the waist down. All he wanted to do was surrender to sleep cuddled against Derek Morgan’s chest, knowing he was safe. He yawned slightly and wasn’t surprised that his hands traveled over mocha skin freely- without thought. But neither would complain. And for Morgan, it was almost a moment of triumph.

Reid knew he had a lot to be thankful of when it came to Morgan. How many men would be willing to sleep beside their lover, completely abstaining from any and all sexual activities until his male lover decided he was ready again? Morgan knew what it was like though, he understood what it was to overcome something like _that._ And his goal was simply to make Reid as comfortable as possible, to make him healthy once more.

Kidnapping and rape had a funny way of ruining relationships and people, something that nobody understood better than those immediately affected. No one ever got over it. Reid knew cognitively what had happened, and what he had to do to recover, but that didn’t make it easer to emotionally handle it. Morgan was amazingly competent when it came to soothing Reid’s man fears though.

“Pretty boy,” Morgan murmured softly through a voice laced thick with lust and sleep. He slid a hand up the pale back teasingly. It had been so long since he’d just touched the lithe man in any way that suggested something could be sexual. Reid was jumpy and scared, but Morgan was a patient man. And he loved Reid, and that was all the reason in the world to do everything necessary to keep him near, even if that meant that he was to be celibate.

Reid shuddered at the slight touch on his back. It was hard to be intimate like this with the other profiler. He took comfort in the fact that if anyone would understand his fears, his uncertainties, it would be Morgan. And the other man deserved something for that, deserved a reward for his patience and his understanding. He shifted closer to the other man and curled himself against the dark body. It was the best he could offer, a silent invitation to his lover.

To the man who wanted everything but demanded nothing.

“I love you, Reid,” Morgan whispered as he pulled the thin body into his arms.

Reid shivered lightly before he relaxed against the other. Comfort was not what sex was about. Sex was about trust and love and faith that he would not be hurt. And Reid completely trusted Morgan. They’d been through too much together to not. He knew he wouldn’t be hurt if they reintroduced physical pleasure into their relationship once more. But he couldn’t get the face of his attacker out of his mind. The ten days he’d spent at the mercy of the sociopathic man. The disgusting feeling that it left in him just as he’d been left for dead.

“We don’t have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with,” Morgan reminded him softly.

Unspoken, there was hope in his voice that they might just be able to pursue physical pleasure. Reid hated hearing it there. He knew it wasn’t Morgan’s fault. He was a man, and he had needs, but Reid just wasn’t sure he wanted to do anything anymore than what they were doing yet. Just lying in the same bed with Morgan had taken him nearly two weeks after the attack to get through. He had only just started masturbating again. But he understood that Morgan had desires that he needed fulfilled. And he knew that lying beside him for nearly two months, completely abstinent, was hard on his lover. He blinked slowly and shifted his body against Morgan’s. Close enough to make it obvious that he would at least try to make the effort to finish what Derek wanted to start.

“You won’t hurt me,” Reid murmured before he took the initiative and claimed a kiss from full pink lips. “You won’t hurt me.”

It was almost heartbreaking to hear the fear and uncertainty in Reid’s voice. Morgan wanted to kill the man who’d done it, but it would have been pointless thinking like that. He was already dead, it had been seen to by Hotch. Morgan wrapped his arms around the thin body and rolled them over. Reid’s eyes widened minutely before he forced himself to relax. He knew it was safe in Morgan’s arms. He lifted his own arms and wrapped them around the dark man’s neck as he arched his back and pressed himself completely against Morgan.

Morgan pressed a deep kiss to the pale genius while his hands traveled over smooth skin. It was amazing to just hold him like this. It had been so long since he’d held his lover because that bastard had ruined them. He wanted to do nothing else but worship the skinny body. To show the genius that there was still love between them; there was still love and trust and nothing was lost because of what that bastard had done to Reid. To them.

Morgan coaxed Reid’s tongue into action through simple ministrations and he pulled his body into movement with careful caresses. Nobody was as important to him as his lover. What mattered was their relationship. Was each other. Reid gasped as a chocolate hand stroked his nipple as it traveled to his side. Shock was obvious in his brown eyes at the unexpected jolt of pleasure that ran through him.

Reid thought he would cry for the gentle treatment. It was more than he could have ever hoped for. It was heavenly. Especially after the two months he’d forced Morgan to remain in celibacy, he’d expected something rougher, something that demanded a payback for the gentleness and the love that he’d gotten. It was irrational; he knew Morgan would never ask for more from him than he could give. He understood that he owed Morgan everything. But the damning thought just wouldn’t go away. He whimpered as Morgan’s hand stroked his side and made him jump. His mind left the trail of thoughts and returned forcibly to their current situation. To this momentary leave of senses, their consummation of love.

“That’s right, pretty boy. Let go with me,” Morgan encouraged softly. He lowered himself against the slender man, pressed himself in tight against his lover. He ground his erection into the thin man and wanted to cry in happiness when he felt the responding hardness in Reid’s sleeping pants. Fear would be a constant for a long time, but the hardened flesh in his pants was a great sign of moving on. Of Reid evolving into a stronger man. Morgan couldn’t hold back the excited passion that flooded through him, and he relayed it all to Reid through their connected lips.

Reid shivered in a mixture of emotions as Morgan touched him. He groaned in pleasure as the dark hand slipped over his body easily. He whimpered and tightened his hold on the man above him as he grounded himself in the current situation. He lifted his legs to wrap around Morgan and rolled his hips lightly, teasingly against Morgan. He wanted more, needed more, and it was Morgan. He closed his eyes, secure in the knowledge that Morgan would take care of him. It was hot, and the younger man was determined to move past the attack, to just be with Morgan.

He groaned as the dark hands moved between them. Excitement and chills rocketed through him, sending his body in directions he hadn’t felt for a long time. His chocolate eyes were wet with tears and paranoia and the burden of knowing too much. Intellectually, he knew that Morgan wouldn’t hurt him, but that didn’t stop the irrational fear that another man would violate him unwillingly.

“I… I love you,” he whispered. “I trust you.”

A hand slid across Reid’s taut stomach teasingly. “Baby boy,” Morgan whispered against Reid’s side. “You don’t have to do this if you’re scared. You have the right to say no and know that I’ll honor it.”

And that was it. That was the best way to sum up his powerful and beautiful lover in one single sentence. Reid knew how badly Morgan wanted to have sex, knew how much he took from each encounter and the number of potential hook-ups who’d been disappointed when he fell off of the meat market. He knew that Morgan could have been out there with anyone else if he’d wanted, and he wouldn’t have minded too much. He would have been able to accept it, because Reid hadn’t been able to give Morgan what he wanted, what he needed. He hadn’t been able to for a long time. Morgan had chosen to remain faithful, to abstain. And somehow, Reid knew he would have to find a way to repay him.

“It’s okay. Just… please just go slow?” Reid asked with such innocence in his voice that Morgan thought he would just call the whole thing off- blue balls be damned. There was trust in those puppy dog eyes, but it was accompanied by copious amounts of fear.

“You know I will,” Morgan promised.

He licked his lips and pressed himself tight against Reid’s thin body, just enjoying the closeness, the chance to be with him like this. Reid had let Morgan touch him very rarely since the attack; and he’d been even more hesitant to have somebody else touch him, excepting Hotch. And the only thing that Morgan could figure out was that Reid saw him as some kind of surrogate father figure who filled the hole left behind by Gideon.

Morgan pressed a quick kiss to Reid’s parted lips and licked the bottom one. Hips rolled together in perfect alignment. It was heavenly, so hard and yet, it was so easy too. He and Morgan were supposed to be like this. They were necessary for each other. It was perfection, and Reid would have nothing less between them.

Calloused hands slid over smooth skin and Reid just barely managed to bite back a groan of pleasure. They weren’t even naked yet, but it was quickly growing to be more than Morgan had anticipated and hoped for. He was harder than he had been in a long time. He wouldn’t really complain though, because he understood Reid’s reluctance to be sexually involved. It didn’t make it easier to deal with, but he could understand what was going on.

Reid’s slender back arched in pleasure and he closed his conflicted eyes, desperate to keep the man above him from seeing his fear again. Morgan had been patient enough. He didn’t need the burden of knowing that Reid was terrified, even if he was willing to do this, because he wanted it too. Reid wanted to enjoy this with him, wanted to be freed of his painful burden. “Morgan,” he whispered breathlessly. It was all so very good, and the young genius wanted simply to melt into Morgan’s touch.

“Pretty boy,” the older man responded. “I’m going to take your pants off,” he warned. No need in ruining this perfect moment by scaring the most important person in his life with sudden nudity.

Reid whimpered as cool air and hot breath ghosted over his erection. His long fingers wrapped around the back of Morgan’s head and he just held on. The black man wouldn’t hurt him; he’d promised to take care of him. And one of the things that the genius believed was that his lover would never go back on his word. He loved Morgan, and he knew that the feelings were returned. Because of that, he had faith. A soft keening noise escaped Reid as Morgan’s powerful hand slid over the pale thigh and up to his even paler hip, worshipping the naked skin.

Reid could only think how good it felt to not be afraid of the larger man. This was not the same thing as the man who’d raped him, this was not his anger and hatred. This was Derek Morgan and his love and showing that to the younger man. It was healing, even if he was on the verge of freaking out. He clung to his lover and their bed desperately, letting pleasure and fear and hunger run through him.

“Mor… Morgan!” he stuttered nervously as he arched into the black man’s teasing touch.

“I love you, Reid,” he answered, running a hand over the sweaty temple of his pale lover. The other hand finally wrapped around Reid’s erection and the doctor cried out.

The young doctor was so happy and so relieved; he didn’t know how to really respond. He was enjoying his first erection in months with another man without indescribable fear dominating his emotions. He was finally able to give into Morgan, to encourage their fragile relationship with the union of their bodies. It was beautiful bliss and a painful reminder of how far he’d had to come, and how far he had to go. And all of it would be at Morgan’s side. The older man smiled at his lover and wanted to cry in relief. Reid wasn’t going to stop them, he wasn’t going to quit before Morgan got his pleasure. Reid was strong enough for this.

Tears gathered in dark eyes as he stared up at the black man, hoping he would be able to just melt into that fiery gaze, the lust and the trust that he saw in those smoldering orbs. Morgan saw the tears and he struggled. Did he continue on and get what he wanted, or be patient, knowing Reid could pull the plug on the whole thing? He knew he had to have faith. If Reid was ready, then so was he. If not, then by the grace of God, patience was a virtue.

Reid arched his back and tightened his tremulous hold on his dark lover. “Don’t stop,” he begged faintly. He pressed himself against Morgan, trusting that the older profiler would know what he needed. Their lips met in a kiss of passion and love and any number of other emotions that they didn’t want to talk about just yet. For now though, it was enough to just be together in this intimate moment once more. To behave like lovers. They were lovers, and finally they were enjoying each others as lovers.

Reid shifted his hands lower, to the broad back of his dark lover. There was trust in his movement, trust that Morgan wouldn’t hurt him. This was bliss like none other. It was passion and love and trust that he needed to experience and none but Morgan could give him. This was healing, resolution and the beginnings of closure. Morgan’s hand tightened on Reid and stroked him firmly, confident in his ability to sooth the hurts and fears. This was the only way they would be able to get things back to normal again between them: when Reid stopped being deathly terrified of being touched.

Full lips tracked a smooth, slow and crooked path along the slender body, tracing muscles and faint hair down Reid’s body. The pale doctor arched into the teasing touches, guiding his lover lower as he went. A hand slipped to the sheets beneath him, and he did nothing but hold on, grounding himself as he rode waves of mounting pleasure. Morgan’s lips were burning as they moved, a silent seduction intent on worshiping Reid. All of it was about the happiness and the need Reid had once demonstrated. It was all about getting that back. He wanted to have the man who had once been so confident and powerful in his short lifetime returned.

Morgan’s hand left his erection and stroked his hips gently. The hand was replaced by Morgan’s mouth. Reid draped a palm over Morgan’s stubbly head. He could do nothing but hold onto the older man, could do nothing but enjoy the pleasure he felt as Morgan’s tongue swept over his hardened flesh. Reid gasped in earnest pleasure, even as the tears fell down his pale cheeks.

Morgan would have stopped then and there if he hadn’t felt the hard flesh in his mouth. If he had any doubts about the direction of their current activities, then he would have stopped them completely. But Reid wanted to continue, if his moving hips were any indication of his eagerness. His hips lifted and lowered with an eagerness that Morgan had sorely missed.

Reid whined in pleasure as he thrust into Morgan’s mouth. His long fingered hands were fisted in the sheets beneath him and he threw his head to the side while he just let go. The black man hollowed his cheeks and sucked enthusiastically. Morgan was just happy that Reid was there, naked in their bed and allowing him to touch his pale body. This was the most he’d been able to do in a long time. The most he could have even hoped for. He wrapped a hand around the base of Reid’s hard flesh and slid the other into his own pants, stroking himself slowly.

He wanted to thrust into Reid’s body, but he didn’t think that would be a smart move. He would do that later, when his lover had gotten used to being touched by him again. He had to give Reid all the time he needed before becoming completely sexual. Fortunately, he was a man capable of controlling himself. He knew how to stop, how to protect the man he loved more than anyone else. If he wanted penetration, that final union between the two, he knew he would have to ask for permission. No matter what, it wouldn’t happen for a long time.

Reid was beautiful in his excitement: his trembling limbs and clenched eyes. There were no more tears, as he was finally lost in the sensation of Morgan’s touch. He could feel the fine trembling in Reid’s body that said he was getting close. Morgan could either finish him with his mouth, or he could ask for permission to feel his lover from the inside and finish together with him. Morgan couldn’t stop himself from asking. He just _needed_ to know. “Can I enter you?” he asked in a voice husky with lust.

Reid looked up in shock at his lover, body tensed as though he’d had ice poured over him. It wasn’t the reaction the black man had hoped for, Reid knew that, but he also knew he wasn’t ready yet. He couldn’t acquiesce, not yet. It was hard to deny Morgan anything, especially when he was so thoughtful and patient, but the prospect was too daunting. Reid wasn’t ready for the emotional repercussions by far. “I can’t. I’ll help… you know,” he gestured helplessly. “But… I can’t. Not yet. I’m sorry, Morgan,” Reid answered.

Morgan couldn’t deny the fact that he’d hoped for a positive answer, but he hadn’t expected one. The look in Reid’s eyes as he turned his head in shame broke his heart though. He regretted being so selfish and asking. “Pretty boy,” he chided softly. “Don’t. You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re doing more than enough. This is perfect,” he whispered as he wiped sweaty hair from Reid’s temple. He didn’t need anything else. He wanted it, but if his lover wasn’t ready to go that far yet, Morgan wasn’t stupid enough to push. He was different from the man who’d hurt Reid. He wouldn’t take what he wanted; he wanted Reid comfortable enough to just give it to him. “I love you, baby boy,” he reassured gently. With little invitation, he bowed his head and resumed partaking of his lover’s heated offering.

Reid had softened when confronted with the threat of penetration. He would have to remember that about the lithe man. He might be ready for a hand job or a blowjob, but he wasn’t ready to let Morgan into the deepest parts of his body. It didn’t make him a coward; it proved that the insanely intelligent Spencer Reid was actually human. And it made Morgan love him all the more. Reid was honest with him like none other. He slid his hand around Reid’s boney hip and used it as leverage for his bobbing head. The other hand he tangled with Reid’s, offering his lover silent support, reminding him that there were no hard feelings and he didn’t blame him for not being able to go all the way just yet.

The minute trembling returned as Reid lost himself in Morgan’s mouth once more. Dark eyes watched as the doctor’s eyes fell shut, and his lips parted in pleasure. Riding the waves of pleasure. The subtle tensing of muscles let Morgan know that his lover was close to climax, and he smirked as his tongue followed the pulsing vein along the bottom. It hadn’t taken him very long to get that far, but at the same time, it had been an awfully long time since he’d touched the younger man.

Morgan moved his hand from Reid’s hair down his chest and body, stopping only when he reached heavy balls. He caressed them gently, stroking before he wrapped his hand around them. He squeezed just hard enough to put pressure on them, like Reid had always liked. And that was enough. The doctor yelped softly as his back arched violently and he came in thick strands. Morgan swallowed it all.

When Reid’s body relaxed, Morgan let the flaccid length slide from his lips. Reid lay panting on the bed, relaxed and relieved. He closed his eyes and licked his lips. It was evident of languid pleasure. He looked like the cat who’d caught the canary. Morgan would’ve laughed but he was just relieved that he’d gotten to touch Reid. With a confident smile, he crawled up the slender body and stretched himself out beside Reid. He loved this man, and he knew that what he’d done was monumental in their relationship. He expected nothing else.

“Can… can I?” Reid asked his cocky lover softly. A shaking hand stroked Morgan’s hard flesh through pajama pants teasingly. It was a timid touch, one full of uncertainty, but also promise. It was the touch Reid had had in the beginning, nearly two years ago. With a wave of painful nostalgia, Morgan closed his eyes and nodded slowly.

The black man groaned and pushed his hips into Reid’s hand. It was so much more pleasurable to be touched by his lover, rather than himself. He didn’t care how; he just wanted to be with Reid. There was nothing else as important as being with him. Reid was his lover, and the young man knew everything about the other man. He whimpered in pleasure as Reid’s hand slid into his pants and wrapped certainly around his erection. Morgan did the only thing he could think of and wrapped a hand around Reid’s neck, pulling him close.

The skinny man reacted in painful violence. He jumped with what was nearly a shriek and the hand on Morgan squeezed harder than he’d intended. “I’m sorry!” he cried out, letting go of his lover when he saw the flinch.

“It’s alright, baby boy,” Morgan whispered, shifting to get comfortable again. It wasn’t that Reid had squeezed his precious bits painfully; it was just the sudden shock of it all. He couldn’t believe that the young doctor had done it, but he couldn’t really blame him either. After all, Morgan had moved without warning, Morgan had grabbed him.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. He snuggled against the black man and pressed an apologetic kiss to his collarbone. He looked sheepish cuddled against the muscled chest.

“It’s alright,” Morgan repeated. To show that he really hadn’t been hurt by it, that it hadn’t bothered him, he claimed the pale lips of his lithe lover and hugged him tightly. He really didn’t know what else to do, because he knew that it wouldn’t make a difference if Reid decided he didn’t want to believe it. “I love you, baby.”

“I love you, too,” Reid murmured softly.

“Baby boy,” Morgan whispered. He slid a calloused hand down Reid’s slender back and up again, studiously avoiding his ass. No need in scaring him further. He tightened his hold on Reid’s neck to let him know that it was okay. When the long fingers slid back into his pants, Morgan thought he would cry in relief. Reid stroked him nervously: sliding fingers over steely muscle before he wrapped his hand around the hardened flesh. Morgan closed his eyes and thrust lightly into Reid’s hand.

“I’m… I’m going to pull your pants down,” Reid muttered softly.

“Do whatever you want,” Morgan encouraged in a panting voice. He didn’t care what Reid did or didn’t do, so long as the young genius was comfortable. He wanted everything the younger man had to offer, but he was patient. He would wait until Reid was ready.

Morgan shimmied out of his pants as teasingly soft fingertips grazed over his skin. He would have loved to shoot whoever it was that taught Reid to tease so maddeningly well, but it was probably his own fault. He grunted as Reid tightened his grip and stroked with honest enthusiasm. It was too good and he was grateful. He wouldn’t last long under these timid ministrations.

Reid twisted his hand over the hard flesh and his dark eyes traced Morgan’s face as he barreled closer and closer to his climax. Chocolate eyes watched his lover carefully, cataloguing each expression, memorizing each clench of his bold jaw. It was beautiful to watch this man move. He wanted more of it all. He wanted to memorize the euphoria of freedom in this moment. He increased his pace and was rewarded with a deep groan of pleasure. Reid watched hungrily as Morgan’s eyes clenched shut and his full lips fell open. He was letting himself go in the sensation of Reid’s hands.

The young doctor kissed the black man and wasn’t surprised when he stiffened beneath him. Morgan moaned into the kiss and tightened his hold around Reid’s neck. Long fingers continued to trace the veins along the bottom as Morgan softened in his hand. Dark eyes rolled to the back of his head as he rode the heady wave of pleasure, moving in tandem with Reid’s delicate hand. Morgan shivered as he finally relaxed; panting beside the man he called his lover.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t…” he trailed off between chaste kisses. Reid wished he’d been stronger, but he had never been. That was always Morgan’s area of expertise: his unparalleled strength and devotion to the people that he loved. And Reid was just fortunate enough to be amongst the highly coveted ranks. He pressed his sweaty head to the dark shoulder and just relaxed against his lover.

“No worries, genius,” Morgan murmured thickly.

Reid smiled. The black man was his salvation and his support. Morgan was the only one who had ever bothered to come so close. With the powerful man pressed against his side, a protective barrier from the world, he could feel his strength and the sense of safety returning slowly. This was a man who loved him; this was a man who supported him and strengthened him; this was a man who loved him and all of his quirky flaws. Morgan was unique and Reid was grateful for that. Morgan demanded honesty and faithfulness and never more than Reid was capable of giving.

“Thank you,” Reid whispered sleepily.

Morgan’s hand traveled over the slender shoulders comfortingly, tracing small patterns into the pale skin. Morgan didn’t care about all of the frills and the fancy words. He was just happy to be cuddled up in bed with Reid at his side. If he had to choose, he could only hope heaven was this sweet. There was love and trust in their bed. And while it was true that Reid would probably wake up with nightmares assaulting him, for the moment, it was peaceful. Reid wasn’t haunted by the fear of an attack, of somehow failing Morgan. He was just Reid: beautiful, innocent, competent Reid.

And it was just them.


End file.
